The Crimson Crimes by Patricia K. McCarthy
Launch date: 11 October (event details to follow; will take place in Ottawa)
Format: Paperback, Ebook, 308 pages
It’s the dead of night in the dead of winter, and bodies have been found, stacked ceiling-high, in a hillside cave in Ottawa’s Strathcona Park; necks pierced, blood drained – the usual. The city is gripped by a dusk-till-dawn curfew. The press, police and public have whipped each other into a glorious panic over someone or something called the “Vampire Undertaker.” Well, when did a silly curfew ever shut down the kitchen party at the Crimson house? Bring beer, bring smokes, but please bring yourself to meet The Vampires (there are at least four of them) and their quirky human pals. We can take turns feeding the baby vampire, stalling the cops when they come knocking, and tripping out on that time-dream machine up in the bedroom. You’ve got to love people who know how to make their own fun!
We are thrilled to spend time with the fearless and outspoken Auntie Aileen, who is understandably troubled by her niece Magdalene, the One and Only Vampire on Earth. It’s fortunate for us that Auntie makes another appearance in The Crimson Crimes: A Vampire Revenge by author Patricia K McCarthy. This is a rare opportunity to experience first-hand her wisdom and sense of humour.
1. Describe yourself to me. Good gracious but that’s a stupid question… it’s not even a question, child! But if you must know, child, I haven’t got the time or patience for fooling around. Now for sure I’ve been known to imbibe the odd nip or twenty… seems to me you might as well enjoy life. Soon enough you’ll be pushing up the daisies and no one will bother to wink one false eye if you raised your skirt to show off your knickers. That’s been my philosophy. I never planned on living with the likes of vampires, for the love of all Creation. But I’m Magdalene’s aunt and I love her to smithereens. She’s got a heart of gold, even if her loins are devilishly wicked.
2. How do you fall in love? At first sight? Over a long period? My love life is none of your business, child. Is this the kind of cockamamie example you set? But if you must know, child, my niece Magdalene is love sick mad over that hybrid vampire husband of hers, Samuel. I swear the two of them would follow each other into the bowels of hell. To be sure, there’s going to be trouble at the end of their vampire story, I just know it. You can’t love a vampire without sacrificing your soul. And for the love of God, why would anyone ask such a stupid question? Love goes according to its own course, child. It’s like that baritone crooner Leonard Cohen says, “Love seizes you.” That’s about the size of it.
3. How do you decide if you can trust someone? I usually give them a good cuff on the back of the head and tell them to smarten up. People are weak, child, and they haven’t a clue how to behave like decent, church-raised human beings. They all want everything for nothing and don’t want to be told what to do or why to do it and they especially don’t want to explain themselves to no one. Trust comes with age, I suppose, when all you’ve got left is your false teeth and some misguided notions. You might as well give trust one last chance. Money goes and love fades but at least trust endures if the spirit is willing.
4. What really moves you, or touches you to the soul? A good laugh that reaches down my throat when I least expect it and a dollop of rum in my cup of tea, any time of day, you see… many a time I fretted over the whereabouts of my husband Quinn when he was off gallivanting on the boat. The rum eased my nerves and dulled my thinking. People think too much, child. It’s a recipe for trouble, that’s for sure. Now reading is a worthwhile pastime. You don’t have to listen to some idiot jabbering in your ear the whole day long… it’s just you and the pages. I love it when a book kicks me in the… oops.
5. What do you consider your special talent? Or, what do you wish your special talent was? Well now that’s a question worth asking and answering. I used to play piano for the silent pictures, those were the days. We could smoke indoors ‘til our fingers turned yellow and didn’t have to worry about the evils of marketing. I loved puffing all night long and not so much as one ball of mucus would be brought up. Gave up all that stuff, you know. My fingers are crooked now so there’s no more piano playing and my lungs are about ready to collapse. But at least my lips still work and my pouring arm is strong. Suppose that’s better than nothing.
6. How do you want to die? I’m about to lose the last of my patience with questions as silly as these but if you must know, child, I’d prefer to go in my sleep with my husband Quinn chasing me down the street. You see, child, women love the chase and that’s what happens in the Crimson vampire novels – Samuel and Magdalene chase this foolish illusion that they’ll be able to lead normal lives as vampires with their wee tot Finn. And those clunk-head idiot Irish brothers, the Coffey boys, and that photo boy David Three Rats will either end up in prison or on the six o’clock news. We haven’t heard from Samuel and I fear the worst for him and for my girl, Magdalene. He’s stuck in that old prison in Ottawa and I can’t for the life of me figure out how the Coffey boys and Mister Three Rats are going to stage an escape. Suppose I spilled the beans, eh?a Rafflecopter giveaway