Dudes Down Under by
Publisher: Taylor Street Books
Number of pages: 286
Word Count: 90,000
Dudes Down Under, the most luxurious resort ever built. It sits on a privately owned Island on the Great Barrier Reef, off the northernmost region of Australia.
No cell-phones, no computers, no paparrazi.
The world’s most famous talk show hostess and the owner of the island sign a deal, the result; Hollywood's 'A' listers all vying for a chance to be the first guests.
They pay half a million dollars for the privilege of being randomly chosen from a barrel of names on her programme.
The winners, include Hollywood’s foremost golden couple. His very unforgiving ex-wife.
The young hotel heiress with a habit of driving whilst drunk and little else to commend her. Blend in a couple of famous expatriate actors
Add the tower owning king of power with an unfortunate hairstyle and attitude.
The television hostess and her film crew.
Add to the mixture:
The most politically incorrect bunch of Australian staff you are likely to meet, anywhere.
Cyril, who has impeccable dress sense, adores Al Pacino and Marlon Brando, drinks to excess, and has a fascinating attitude about well—everything! Well ... yes--he is a Crocodile, but he's family.
Blend the ingredients carefully then stand well back!
'Dudes Down Under' is waiting for you to arrive.
This book was great! It was exciting and full of drama. It was great that celebs got a chance to be regular people for a little. And the changes these people went though, amazing. I love LOVE Cyril. He is so funny! And a crocodile! He wears clothes, drinks all the time and has a Pooh bear to sleep with. And he would say the funniest things!! I don't mean funny jokes, i mean funny like he sees his trainer/owner naked once and freaks out because he (the trainer) has an ugly growth that he should get removed.
I love that we hopped around to different people's point of view. We got to see how the staff saw the celebs and how the celebs saw the stuff and the others. We even got to see how the crocos saw the people.
“When do we find out who won the draw, Lucy? It’s so exciting.” Ginny spoke up with her eyes glittering feverishly. Lucy looked at her fondly, Ginny was her friend, and an employee, yet there was no denying that to every male with a pulse who didn’t know her well it appeared that her twenty-year-old body was built for sex. Her mind was built some time later. Sadly, she was also a natural blonde, which sure as hell didn’t help her in the, we-believe-you-are-intelligent-truly-we-do, stakes! Lucy was very protective of the youngster, and it showed.
“Miss Peters is doing the draw on her talk show.” Lucy continued with a huge grin at Ginny’s excitement. “The list will be sent immediately, along with any special dietary needs, and the numbers of staff accompanying those chosen. I have been told to restrict their staff to two. Due to the fame of most of the people in the draw, they will be listed under pseudonyms. We want them to have a holiday--paparazzi free. That is a huge part of what has attracted them here, these people want to be treated just like everyone else. Or at least they think they do!”
“She, gets to come no matter what--doesn’t she?” Ginny was almost squeaking she was so excited. Yet still managing to say ‘She’ with dignified non-blasphemous restraint.
“Yes, Ginny. Miss Peters is the reason all the other beautiful people want to come. They all want to be the first of the big names on the ‘A’ list to check us out and hopefully give us the thumbs up!
The entire room turned as one when Cyril made his regular morning entrance and headed for his favorite area near the floor to ceiling windows. He liked looking out over the beautiful lagoon.
“Jeez, is it that late? Sorry, Cyril me old mate, I lost track of the time.” Skeet stood as he spoke.
Well I am so touched that you forgot me! Am I that unnecessary! What would it take for me to be more memorable? Hmm? I am twenty-eight feet long. I wear my own little collection of designer t/shirts and sun hats. My sun glasses are Gucci, and yet I’m forgettable. Sigh! Life is so unjust.
Skeet hurried out to the kitchen, returning with Cyril’s breakfast. He threw the live chickens one by one, and Cyril did his usual appreciative, snap--crackle and slobber routine. He then lay quietly drinking his gallon of beer. Being a 28 ft long Crocodile had distinct advantages. Cyril smiled his crocodile smile and belched loudly.
Well that is much better. You lot are my family you know. Odd—granted, you certainly are. Yet I love you all, in my own way. I mean I haven’t eaten any of you—have I? Just isn’t done. Life is good, and the women in this place…mmmm, makes me wish I were a frog, one kiss, and whoo-eeee! I wonder how many of my little family know just how cute they are.
Cyril, having drawn only the briefest acknowledgment at his presence; contented himself by farting and snoring in harmony and stink. Life at ‘Dudes’ was—so—normal.
“Lucy, they already know about the restrictions—no cell phones, no faxes? No television, all that sort of stuff?” Asked, Didi with a grin on her face.
“Yep, they do.”
“So I had better be prepared for a lot of withdrawal symptoms, hey, Lucy?” Said Doc.
“When we are all relaxed and comfortable, I’m going to open up a general question time. Anything—anything at all that might have crossed your minds; things that we haven’t covered or you’re unsure about, please feel free to ask--anything! If you just want to confirm something we’ve already covered, or have a gripe about something, now is the time to do it. Once our guests arrive I will have little or no time for a one-on-one with any of you. So people, ask away.”
“So, beautiful—what are you doing after work?” Bluey, asked.
“Anything I like, Bluey boy! But I don’t date outside my species!” Lucy smiled sweetly at him, daring him with a look to say more.
That shut him up--temporarily.
Cyril belched again. That mongrel, Bluey, better keep his hands of Lucy. I wouldn’t need a whole lot of reasons to eat that bastard.
“So, Lucy” Bluey said with his hands on his hips, “ Lemme get this straight all right? This bunch of spoiled-arse whatever’s; are paying half-a-million bucks per couple, plus the same again for each staff member they bring with them. All for the privilege of being normal human beings for one month?” Bluey was clearly unimpressed at this brand of stupidity. “Don’t make any damned sense to me at all. Bunch of wimps if you ask me.”
“Bluey … these people have so many restrictions in their lives. They can’t do normal things that we all take for granted without a dozen camera’s following them every inch of the way. So please lose the attitude. Okay. They are simply here for a holiday. One we need to help them enjoy … got that?”
“Yeah, yeah whatever.”
Lucy chose to ignore his muttered agreement. She turned instead and directed herself to the remaining staff.
“Okay people. So long as we are clear on one very important point. These folks want the freedom of going anywhere they want, without question—or paparazzi. They have gone to a great deal of trouble to ensure the press doesn’t know where they are.” Lucy looked at the assembled faces and continued,
“The names you will be instructed to call them are up to them. Should they decide that they wish to be referred to as … um… ‘Hey You!’ We will do it. Is that very clearly understood, everyone?”
Mutterings of, “Yeah--no problem … gotcha, right, and … whatever!” All wafted through the air at once.
“Uh-huh—perfect—their jaded palates and boringly perfect lives are about to get sat on their heads—I think they might just find Australia—unforgettable.”
About the Author:
Authors are meant to enjoy talking about themselves, right? Wrong! It is so difficult to blow your own trumpet without sounding big-headed or apologetic or both at once … “I do apologize for sounding big-headed.” You get my drift? I can do this straight up or in my normal (Occasionally) manner.
So here we go…I have had the privilege of having 3 books published by Taylor Street Publishing. Books one and two are biographical and written under my pen name of Stacey Danson. ‘Empty Chairs’ and its sequel ‘Faint Echoes of Laughter’ have been well received and for that I will always be so very grateful. They are difficult books to read, dealing as they do with the explosive topic of Child abuse in its most horrific of forms. When I was writing Empty Chairs I badly needed a release of some sort; somewhere I could focus my mind apart from the memories I had to relive. ‘Dudes Down Under’ is the result.
The book is Romantic and dare I say it very funny in an over the top, off the wall, ‘what the hell did she just say?’ way. The characters I loved writing. They became my friends. They gave me an avenue to explore strong women, vulnerable men, and love with all its faults and foibles. They also allowed me to explore comedic writing to its fullest extent.
Reviewers tell me they cried laughing at the comedy … and at times simply cried. I have a sequel (Dudes Does Hollywood) in the planning stages.
I have also recently completed a psychological thriller…phew! Challenges are something I never avoid. Only time will tell if my exploration of different genres will be successful.